So I promised pictures, and here they are. A few days before and today, 6 weeks on.
Picture below taken by fabulous Kirsty at Photography by Kirsty (http://www.photographybykirsty.co.uk/)
I would never have put up pictures like this in public a few months ago, but having been undressed for so many people it does not feel like such a big deal now. Also having put my body through so much I have a different relationship with it now and feel like I want to honour it.
To some extent today is the day my life returns to normal. I can start wearing deodorant at last and when I can bin the sports bras. Today I headed to Boux Avenue and got measured and bought some proper underwear. I was pleased to hear I was the same size – although not the same shape as before. This news was met with disbelief by my friend Sam, who insisted ‘they are definitely smaller.’ Still I was happy with what I brough. When the lady suggested a bra with see-through lace, which clealy showed my scars I thought, why not? and got it. The scars are part of my journey and I’m not ashamed of them.
I said last time, I’ve had no regrets and that still stands. The hardest thing has been the tiredness, which has now been attributed to low iron levels and for which I now have tablets. I timed the operation with the intention of carrying out big plans next year, including starting an MSC in Counselling in September so I really need to be at full fitness for that. I’ve also been diagnosed with high blood pressure so I am seriously going to have to make some life style choices – probably concerning diet.
I don’t think this experience has changed me at all, I was obsessed with doing as much in life as I could before, especially since losing my mum. I know some people – possibly including my husband – think I should slow down at times, but I just can’t. Things are always new things coming along that inspire me to get involved.
At some point I need to confront the fact my defective brca gene gives me a 50% chance of ovarian cancer, the same disease that killed my mum. I’m waiting on a hysterectomy because unlike a mastectomy, it has implications for other parts of your health including hormones and bones. I think I’ll revisit this in a decades time and hope I’ve played the odds correctly.
In the mean time thank you so much to all the family and friends who have supported me through this and to everyone who has sent me kind messages. It really has helped.
Now to get on with the next part of my life.